Tonight I informed the management at Breitbart News of my immediate resignation.

As a close personal friend of Andrew Breitbart, I am wicked sad to announce that as of 12:01am Eastern Time, I said “I divorce Breitbart News” three times which officially renders any contract we had null and void, including that thing I signed voluntarily about non-disparagement.

Andrew Breitbart centered his life on just one mission: fight the bullies. His only stated purpose was: more voices, not less. The solo creed he lived by was: e priebus unum. More than anything, be believed in: loyalty. The thing he cared about to the exclusion of all other things was: ‘Merica. His top priorty was: family.

That singular goal has been betrayed.

This sad chain of events leading up to me began in New York City, where Donald Trump’s campaign manager came out of nowhere and yanked me to the ground with a touch that I believe he delivered from several thousand miles away. He seems to have an invisible touch.

Rather than supporting me, Breitbart News instead published an article by me. Then, Breitbart News completely ignored my plight by calling on Mr. Lewandowsky to apologize. After that slap in face to my feeling’s face, they ignored the material that I leaked about the incident to other publications until they wrote about it immediately. I was shocked when they betrayed me by once again calling for an apology by Lewandowsky. Shockingly, at no point during my ordeal did Breitbart News refer to Donald Trump as “Hitler.”

Still, I stayed.

As his friend, I know Andrew loved steak. Ironic, then, that a new article by Buzzfeed about someone named Milo Yianopoulis should be the steak through the heart of Andrew’s legacy

I am shocked that in secret, Breitbart News has become a place where Milo Yianopoulis works. I know this, since I was Andrew’s friend.

The article revealed a number of disturbing facts, including that Mr. Yianopoulis is apparently not an American.

Breitbart News has become Mr. Yianopoulis’s own personal Pravda; a place where he often places photos of himself and as well as expressing opinions on things.

But the ultimate indignity is something that I can reveal for the first time: Mr. Yianopoulis’s many media appearances are not actually given by him, but by a lifelike animatronic cyborg controlled by a team of interns.

This is more disgusting than doing shots of Wild Turkey with a mayonnaise chaser. Andrew never would have stood for it, nor sat silently or laid down. Did I mention I was a friend of Andrew’s?

No news outlet would stand for it, except possibly Politico, who recently ordered a fleet of Hackbot 9000s from Elon Muck.

I have many good friends at Breitbart including CEO Larry Solov and Chairman Stephen K. Bannon. We have asked both Larry and Steve to join us in the new venture I’m e launching via Kickstarter: a new media site called Doxxxx that we believe will fulfill Andrew’s vision of being like Gawker, but not owned by a professional wrestler. I anticipate both Larry and Steve will submit letters of resignation just as soon as I write them.

This truly breaks both my heart and my brain. But, as I am fond of saying without giving credit to the person who said it originally, facts don’t feel nuffin about your carings.

Anyone at Breitbart who doesn’t follow my lead and have a hysterical hissy fit should be ashamed of themselves.ave

Until that happens, I will be ashamed for them.

• Lee Stranahan