May you live in interesting times. — Ancient Chinese curse.
A quick note to you, Dear Reader…
I’ve been keeping the good stuff from you.
Too often for a writer, I have acted as a coward. I have held back the juicy, stomach churning, nail biting drama of my life and it hasn’t been fait to either you or to me.
One obvious example is from over a year ago, when my family was living in a hotel for about six months. It was cramped and uncomfortable, it was scary some days when we couldn’t even afford the hotel for the day..but it was really interesting. I should have been writing about it at the time.
I chickened out.
I was too worried about criticism and about preserving some Image of normality. I did touch on the subject a bit at the time but I did it in a way that felt safe to me. I never really dug right into the day to day reality of my life t that time. That makes sense on a human level but as a writer, it was a gutless thing to do.
I don’t say any of this out of regret but just as an acknowledgement of where I was and where I want to be headed. I’m in another period of transition, another shedding of old skin. I’m writing this on a train speeding through Arizona at 5am, almost totally broke, in failing health and with a future that’s very uncertain right now…my family about to leave our home to move back into a hotel in the five days.
Sounds like a pretty compelling story, doesn’t it?
As I move into a phase where I take myself seriously as a writer, I need to ignore the fears that have kept me from telling the most compelling stories I can.
If I have an experience that makes me think, “I don’t want others knowing about this!” that’s a sign I SHOULD write about it, because it will make others feel sane/normal/not alone.
A recent example is a jealous freakout I had. I was ashamed of my feelings, but processed and wrote about them, and my readers responded with overwhelming love and support.
You probably know what I feel about this. The more naked I am, the more happens for me. I typically use two self prompts each morning - either “what is the most true thing for me in this moment?” or “what do I not want to write about?”
As my bff allison nazarian has told me, don’t judge, just write. Even if you don’t publish something now (maybe you will later) - still write it.
The interesting this is I have only 2 blog posts I’ve ever written and not published. Both about other people, and that’s why they are not published - it would be revealing someone else’s stuff. Once I give myself the freedom to write & not judge, then I end up being able find the balls to publish it, after it is created.
I couldn’t agree more. When I finally sat down and mailed my story off to Penthouse Letters I didn’t just feel better, I felt stronger and braver too, like you.
“May you live in interesting times. — Ancient Chinese curse.”
This is a lazy bit of Orientalism — please see the Wikipedia article for the phrase’s history: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/May_you_live_in_interesting_times